Whilst going through nearly 99 items I’d bookmarked on a Pinterest board for this article on Etsy, I tried to make some sense of those random finds I thought would make for an entertaining read on your lunch break at work.
I hope you can find that special something you’re looking to treat yourself or a loved one to this holiday season, or perhaps you’ve landed the office intern as your Secret Santa or, worse, you are the office intern and don’t really know any of your colleagues well enough to buy them something truly thoughtful.
Let’s dig in…
Creepy expensive prams from Russia…
This “One of a kind”, “Genuine ostrich baby stroller” could be yours for £21,821.45 but if you think Ostrich might not suit your baby or you’ve been blessed with twins you might want to check out the Python variation for the bargain price of £28,881.33 – that works out as a whopping 68% discount on the price of two.
Food based items…
I don’t know why, but there’s something extremely pleasing about these miniature plates of food. They make me feel weird inside, in a good way, I really don’t know how to explain this overwhelming desire to own all of these items. It’s even better when these things are put on a chain!!!!
But do you think a fried egg or shrimp platter hat is going too far? Only one way to find out….
Badges & Stickers…
Like the food based items I kinda feel the same way about these. Everything from Emojis to the most awful photos of pop stars. This has inspired me to think about making my own range so if anyone out there wants to pitch-in to buy a 3D Sublimation Vacuum Heat Transfer Press Printer Machine and some raw materials please get in touch via Twitter.
Weird handbags…
Lets be honest. If you live or work in a certain area of London you’ll know at least one person who would totally rock one of these in a completely un-ironic way, as if there is any other way to rock a “Fabulous Fish Fashion Bag”. I must admit though, if I had a spare £10,000 knocking about I’d probably buy the “Honey Poodle Handbag” to see the horror on people’s faces when they see it. I used to have a fake sleeping cat that lived in my office, but it’s mysteriously disappeared. I think people just found it too creepy.
Anything with Emojis…
If you don’t own at least one thing with an Emoji on it by the new year then prepare to be so 2014. There has been a recent explosion of Emoji print clothes on all kinds of sites and Etsy is no different. This is another type of thing that I would probably make myself rather than risk buying something that could well be terrible quality. However, some of them are charmingly bad, in a way that even I probably couldn’t pull off…
Hello Ladies…
I’m not sure what kind of person would wear such items, perhaps the seller could help us out with a description…
First off on the left here are some vintage black jeans from the 80s in a size 10 going for £6.42. The seller doesn’t mention wether they came that way… but I’m guessing not.
Next up is the very colourful “Handmade knitted dress JEANS for young girls”. It’s not clear how young a girl it’s for but the description does encourage you to “Dress astonishingly”. From Russia with love, yours for only £2,567.23.
The next beautiful dress is from Hungary and those things all over it are apparently parrots. I don’t really have much against the print but you’d think for £179.06 you’d have a dress that didn’t cut halfway through the parrot.
The description on the final one confidently starts with “What more could you need?” errrr, perhaps some clothes for the £96.27.
This one ships from Down Under so make sure you leave plenty of time for shipping.
The OMG Shawl…
If none of the above hit the spot then perhaps an OMG Shawl is what you’ve been looking for all this time…
This shawl is not just any old rubbish, it’s an “OMG shawl”, possibly named so because it will cost you £2,246.33.
But it does promises “You’ll barely be able to walk down the street without admirers stopping you every ten feet”. Presumably these are admirers of the mentally-deficient-more-money-than-sense who will be stopping you to sell you the Emperor’s New Clothes, and to be honest I’d get pretty pissed off if I was just going about my daily business and had to endure that many interruptions, it’s just not needed. But just look how smug the model is, this is the face not-one-fuck-is-given.
The Lady Gaga look…
>Have you ever seen those “How to dress like…” pieces on morning television where they find cheap versions of celebrity outfits from the red carpet? This is much better than that. Here’s how to dress like Lady Gaga using only items you can find on Etsy…
These “black cat panties with ears” and one-off men’s ArtPop jacket go perfectly together to channel your inner diva and will only set you back £153.39. But no outfit is complete without shoes, so luckily for you I’ve picked an assortment of footwear to suit any occasion, from a tropical beach to a cosy winter night in via the runway.
The Miley Cyrus look…
Continuing the theme of celebrities I’ve managed to randomly select items that feel like they belong at a Miley Cyrus party. I’d like to imagine Miley would be the kind of person to wear a t-shirt with her own face on it and be photographed in the very same pose as the t-shirt. I’m not entirely sure why the tights have that protrusion on the front but the seller claims these tights are for “Ultimate leg enhancement” and I’m certainly not in any position to argue with them. My favourite part of this outfit has got to be the Fresh Prince socks though. You will definitely make someone insanely happy by gifting them to someone (i.e. me).
I also quite like these Drake socks.
His & Hers / His & His / Hers & Hers:
These two t-shirts are the ideal couples gift, and definitely without a shadow of a doubt should be worn out at the same time.
And to top off any gift you need an amazing card to go with it…
If you’d like to purchase any of these items and see a few more that didn’t make it into this article feel free to check out this Pinterest board.
By Aria Algha
Check out our Guest Editor of the month (Nov 2014) editor’s letter here: flavourmag.co.uk/guest-editor-month-nov-2014-aria-alagha/
