On Tuesday’s I stay with Keisha. Now there’s good and bad with Keisha. The good thing, is she can cook her arse off. I’m talking jerk chicken, Rice & Peas, then she can just switch it up and do Jallof Rice and beef or Macaroni and cheese and she can also wake me up with a proper English breakfast if she’s in the mood. She just loves cooking for me. The bad side of Keisha, is that she’s not attractive. Like proper mash up in the face.

People say everyone is beautiful to someone and if that’s true, then her someone must me Stevie Wonder.

I met Keisha at a club called Funky Buddah one time about a year ago. I saw her from behind and her body was on point. I like women with curves, like a size 10, 12 or even 14. Keisha was defo a size 12, so I went to holla at her and like most women I approach, she gave me her number. It must have been the end of the rave or something, because the lights came on and I was like “wtf?” Who is this brudda standing in front of me?

Her smile is a hot mess. I have her name in my phone under “Dead Spice”. I never called her once but when I got out recently I had to find somewhere to stay and she was willing to have me. I tell her I’m only in town on Tuesday’s because I live in Luton. She believes it, so I guess it works for now. I can’t stand sleeping next to her. We only have sex in the dark. One time she was like “why do you always want the lights off?”  I just said something stupid like, “because having the light on during sex gives me a rash”. She bought that crap and went with it. She’s so gullible. During sex with Keisha the only way I get through it, is by pretending she’s my favourite porn star . I actually think I called her “Pinky” one time but she didn’t care. Guess she doesn’t have better offers coming her way to even try switch on me.

During the day I often try to find someone else to stay with on a Tuesday. I go up to Oxford street and look for women who have the low self esteem and try to use my charms on them. I guess my sexy face doesn’t work in the congestion charge zones because I haven’t found a new place to stay on Tuesday’s yet.

Tuesdays are the worst days, but hey, I get a good meal out of it and a place to lay my head for the night.  Beggars can’t be choosers and I won’t have to do this for much longer…..I hope. Anyway, tomorrow can’t come quick enough. Wednesday is the day I always get spoilt by my next girl Tiffany.

Read Chapter 3 here