How many times have you ever been asked: ‘What’s your f*****g problem?’ Well, in order to answer this and other questions relating to the realms of sex, erotica and the whole spectrum of things that go along with that, iCandy welcomes our new features writer Carmin Connor to answer your queries, worries and curious wonders about all those things that lurk in your brain – and under your duvet.

Carmin is an internationally published adult/erotica model based in the UK. Carmin’s work can be seen across various adult websites and men’s magazines as well as several fine art photography books such as The Mammoth Book of New Erotic Photography and Hudson Manilla’s ONE. Her first book “CARMIN” by Hudson Manilla was released in November. As well as modelling, Carmin is also a published author and editor of Manifesto, a high fashion/erotica publication.

So here with her first feature is Carmin, So Carmin, what have you been asked this time?

Hi Carmin

Do you have a mature man fantasy, if so what is it?


Hi Mr M

When I think of an attractive older gentleman, vivid imagery from Just For Men commercials loiter in my brain, sending an awkward shiver down my spine. Thinking of “dating” an older man conjures up clichéd, cringe worthy phrases like Sugar Daddy, Electra Complex and mid-life crisis. However, once past those narrow minded ideals; I personally don’t discriminate when it comes to age. A person is attractive regardless of their chronological timeline, although I admit it is appreciated to be in the arms of an experienced gentleman. However, just because they might be twice your age doesn’t guarantee they will be twice as sexually experienced or competent as yourself. An eighteen year schoolboy could well have seen more action between the sheets than a forty year old so it’s all incredibly relative.

Having said that though, I do understand the attraction to various ideals and beliefs that a more mature person may hold, but that can be found in a person of any age. I think it’s safe to say that when a younger girl finds an older man attractive it isn’t just because of his silver haired charm, it could be because of their independence, confidence and their accomplishments which have grown and developed with their years. In this case it would take a very special young man to befit all these highly desirable achievements.

When a man gets to a certain point in his life, chances are they will drop their more chaotic and fanciful lifestyle, stop the frolicking and bed hopping and try to “settle down” thus deeming them to a more responsible way of living. With myself I would like to vouch for a happy medium. (A tall order I know!) A fairly young fellow, intelligent, worldly and experienced in bed – but with a youthful mischievous streak! A man with a boyish charm who has not been jaded by his years, but still has the cerebral and emotional maturity to treat me right and crucially; respectfully. Traits which most young boys haven’t quite grasped.

I did some research into various Paraphilia’s (fetishes) involving being attracted to someone of a greater age to yourself and rather annoyingly the only topic I could find involving older men was the attraction to sugar daddies. Sites like and flashed before me. I also found various documentation stating that young women seek older men because of their ideals of violence, revenge, daddy issues and materialistic motivators, which I find quite insulting. However, this is an entirely different phenomenon and should be saved for another day…

In contrast, I discovered various other paraphilia’s that are loosely connected, for example Anililagnia, the attraction to older women by young men. The first site I could find that mentions Anililagnia rather amusingly states, finding an attraction to strange, older people like Paula Abdul. Strange indeed…… However, upon further investigation I discovered the magnificent writer of The Rakish Life, Alisdair Mc Dowell. He profoundly dictates his reasoning behind venturing to the furthest end of the age spectrum. From what I gather his main viewpoint is that of indifference towards younger, “ignorant” women, deeming it hard work in tutoring them in the ways of love making. That and the fact that older women are in a better financial position to lavish him with gifts.

There is also Chronophilia, the general fetish for partners with a wide chronological gap. If you’d like to research topics on age gaps further; I suggest a read of a site dedicated to the theory of age being only a number, by constantly reiterating the theme of an age gap being a massive deal……..

Regardless of whether young girls may have a fetish for the older gentlemen I find pros and cons in young and older people, gender being completely incidental. I base an opinion of people on their personality and nothing else.

I would like to end this on a quote from a dear friend of mine’s mother:

“Most girls aim to be a young man’s first love, when in reality they should try to be an older man’s last.”

Interesting! Even I have to admit to dating a couple of ‘cougars’ in my time! Have you got a question for Carmin? Are you wondering why you get weak at the knees every time you see a girl wearing her socks? Do you have this ‘thing’ for Clingfilm? Do you want to know what girls think of ‘your special video collection’? Email her at [email protected] and don’t worry – we won’t name you. Gaz.