Christmas is coming and, whether you’re in a relationship or not, you’re probably already getting fat.
If you didn’t manage to cuff yourself to any of your Badoo matches in time for the ‘are you still single?’ interrogation at the Christmas table, don’t start blubbing into your turkey dinner just yet. Turns out that being single for crimbo might not be such a bad thing…
Present buying when you’re single:
Besides immediate family members and the lickable calendar of topless men you bought Lyndsay in the office for secret santa, you’re off the hook for presents this year, leaving yourself wide open for Zara to strip you of any leftover £££.
Present buying when you’re in a relationship:
You give into your boyfriend’s requests for an Xbox One X / 4K TV / [insert tech gift of choice], breaking the bank only to gain meaningless ‘girlfriend points’, whilst giving him another reason to ignore you.
Festive dates when you’re single:
Romantic first dates are pretty easy to come by around Christmas. You’re chatting to a guy on Badoo and all he has to do is suggest a drink at a cosy pub or a mulled wine-fueled festive market trip and you’ll feel like you’ve stumbled into the Love Actually storyline.
Festive dates when you’re in a relationship:
You plan to leave the house to go to a Christmas market but end up passing out in front of the Grinch.
Indulging when you’re single:
You can eat every single mince pie your Mum forces down your gullet. No one’s seeing you naked tonight, so no one will bear witness to your mincemeat-filled gut.
Indulging when you’re in a relationship:
That slutty Mrs Claus outfit will remain forever in your wardrobe – all plans for kinky sex go out the window as you spend the holidays nursing your food baby in a fluffy onesie.
Fighting at Christmas when you’re single
You fight with your sibling over the last pig in blanket
Fighting at Christmas when you’re in a relationship
You see a text from an ex on his phone, wishing him a merry Christmas
… and she used a “😘”.
You decide to text your ex too.
Your boyfriend calls you petty.
You cry and shout because you’re drunk.
And deep down you know you’re petty.
Travelling around Xmas when you’re single:
The furthest you’ll move is between the dining table and the sofa – and boy, there will be a lot of return trips. You can spend your time lurking hot guys on Badoo, in an attempt to block out the weird sound your Grandma makes when she licks her lips.
Travelling around Xmas when you’re in a relationship:
You spend far too much time on trains, heading to whatever part of the country your boyfriend’s parents live in, only to endure 3 days of hearing about how adorable his teenage sweetheart is.
New Year’s Eve when you’re…well, let’s be honest, NYE is never good for anyone.
For all you singletons out there looking for someone to mistle-tongue this festive season, download the biggest dating app in the world, Badoo, here.