Practising what you preach can be a hard lesson to learn… We can’t understand why our friend goes back to the same possessive/irresponsible/cheating/insecure partner time and time again, until the record is not only broken, but shattered. That relationship clearly isn’t healthy and certainly not a happy one the majority of the time. So why does your usually rational, logical friend keep putting up with this rubbish when they deserve more?

And yet it’s bizarre and somewhat ironic that many of us do the exact same thing in a relationship; particularly when love, affection or physical desires are involved. When you continually justify wrongdoings you’re training your mind, consciously or not, to believe that the behaviour you put up with is worthy of your being. Thus you open the door to low self-esteem and waste precious mental energy on recurring drama that soon becomes normality in life.

It’s contradictory – you DO value yourself. You are hot! Yet sometimes we put up with mental trauma from people for a twisted exchange of love, company and security, among many other reasons. So how do you stay happy without forsaking your own precious worth?

“Never fake; fighting is a waste of energy; flight is never good; if you fold, you compromise”

It’s your life

Many of us are good people, therefore, it is in our nature to want to worry and fuss over our loved ones. First, make sure that this feeling is mutual. Secondly, never, ever let your other half become more important than yourself. We’re not saying you need to take it to the extreme and go on heartless, but if YOU are being valued, your priorities will be respected; he/she would never put their needs before yours for mediocre reasons. If they want the best for you they will understand, especially since they should be working hard for their future. If they’re not, well, you know what they say about the company you keep… Never compromise.

All in the mind

You may think you need someone in your life, but think about it, you were fine before they entered it. Attachment is a powerful thing, but changing your mindset is never a hopeless task. Many people fall in love, but not many find the strength to dig themselves out before it gets ugly. It may sound stupid, and you don’t have to do it out loud, but tell yourself every day you are awesome. When your mind begins to obsess negatively, constantly remind yourself you should be obsessing about YOUR wellbeing and future, not ‘OURS’. When someone upsets you, don’t let your pain become acceptable. Which brings us to…

Speak up

It is said that when someone hurts you, your brain switches on a panic button and goes into one of four modes in order to protect yourself from mental trauma: FIGHT, FLIGHT, FOLD and FAKE. Never fake and pretend that having your feelings disrespected is acceptable; it never is. Fighting is simply a waste of energy. Running away, AKA flight is never a good idea; problems are in the mind, therefore they will follow you. If you fold, you comprise yourself and that is forbidden; you are worth more! Instead, take time to cool off and talk when you are (both) calm. You will find you are more rational and mentally stronger after having time to articulate why you feel your value has been violated. Learning to express yourself calmly and rationally is a great key to confidence.
Count blessings, not troubles…
We have become accustomed to stress and see the glass half empty far too often. Write a list of your achievements and feel proud. Write a list of plans and work on them one by one, day by day. Sign up to a gym or buy that swimming costume – good health will make you feel good, inside and out. Spend time with friends who inspire you, and importantly, as much time laughing as working. Be happy with you – YOU ARE HOT!