stina sanders

There’s no shame in being single, but let me tell you one thing, being on your own isn’t liberating; it’s tedious.

Since the age of fourteen, I have hopped from one relationship to the next. I guess you could describe me as the poor man’s version of Taylor Swift, however, in the last year this has completely changed and I have found myself very single and desperately trying to mingle.
Sure, there are pros to being on my own. I am certainly enjoying my independence and having the freedom to do whatever I want. I am what you class as an ‘independent woman’ – I pay my own bills, buy my own clothes, have fixed my broken boiler and can make myself orgasm in 0.3 seconds.
I can go out until 6 am without worrying about receiving texts asking where I am and I can also slob around my apartment wearing little-to-no underwear with my anti fuzz cream all over my upper lip, but the truth of the matter is I hate being single.
Since dipping my toe back into the dating pool, I have found being single is nothing but pure torture. I don’t love myself enough to appreciate my own company and if one more person drags me up on the dance floor when ‘All The Single Ladies‘ comes on, I will scream. I refuse to pretend I’m OK with the fact that I have no one in my life to cuddle (except my pet dog).
When my last relationship ended everyone told me that spending time on my own would be empowering and good for my social life. To some extent, I agree with this, especially when I’m spending time with my friends and keeping busy, but what no one tells you about being single, is the sense of loneliness when your front door closes at night and you’re on your own. Trust me, I have tried to enjoy my own company and have even convinced myself that staying in on a Friday night is good for my soul, however, there is only so much Netflix you can watch until you start questioning your own existence.
As well as feeling lonely, single life has also exhausted me. In the last year, I have been on countless of dates, to the point where I could write a book on “Excuses to escape from a disastrous date”. It would be safe to say my love life is far from the scenes of Sex And The City, and more the case of Anticlimax And The City. 
Dating, although fun, I have become bored with. I’m tired of going on a date only to discover that (yet again) I don’t have a connection with someone. I understand it’s a numbers game in which you have to be tenacious at if you want to find “the one”, but dating in London is difficult and long-winded; and for someone who has very little patience, I’m struggling to enjoy it.
My open dislike for being single has generated many opinions, especially annoying quotes like, ‘If you don’t love yourself, then no one else will’. Which I of course, totally disagree with. Just because I’d rather share my life with someone than be alone, doesn’t mean I’m undeserving of love, it just means I’m human.  I don’t want to be single and I see no issue with that.
I am that girl who had her fairytale wedding planned out even before I reached puberty and I refuse to give up on my dream and pretend I’m content in my own skin. You will never find me preaching that I don’t need someone, because the reality is, I do. All I want is to come home to someone after a long day and discuss boring things like ‘Should we move the coffee table to the left or to the right?’. 
Having said this, I do envy people who enjoy their own company and would rather chew their arm off before committing to someone. I often wonder that if I did retire from the dating scene, would I be a lot happier? The answer is probably – but the desire to share my life with someone is just too exciting and I’d hate to give up hunting for Mr Right, right now