Pop culture has a massive impact on our lives, including our romantic relationships. Together with Flure, we are going to examine how pop culture and social media influence the way we perceive true love, and the expectations they embed in our brains, and share the tips and tricks for breaking free from its influence and redefining what a healthy and happy romantic relationship actually is.
The Power of Pop Culture in Defining Romance
We all like to believe that we live our lives fully independently, think our own thoughts and aren’t influenced by anything or anyone.
This is not entirely true. In fact, it’s not true at all. The shows we watch, the social media accounts we follow, the music we listen to, – all that adds to our personalities and transforms how we see the world.
Movies, in particular, play a big role in how we view love and romantic relationships. It starts with kids’ cartoons and movies and goes on well into our adult lives. The constant bombardment with picture-perfect celebrity romances and fairly tale-like meet-cutes on the screen affect the way we portray modern dating.
Unrealistic Expectations vs. Real-Life Dating
Although pop culture has given us countless moments that enriched our lives and ingrained some excellent traditions and habits, it also created unrealistic expectations that have very little to do with real-life dating.
The ‘Love at First Sight’ Myth
If you watch 5-10 rom-coms in one sitting, you’ll easily spot a common denominator. There is this moment in the films where the main character sees their future love interest for the first time. The wind is blowing in their face, everything else around them slows down, and soft music begins to play.
That is how Hollywood tells us people fall in love.
In reality, falling in love takes time. Yes, you can feel instant attraction to someone, but it’s not true love until you know them better, until you’ve experienced life with them, until you’ve gone through something together.
What is served to us as love at first sight is actually infatuation which can, with time, lead to a deeper and stronger feeling of love.
Grand Gestures vs. Everyday Love
Another thing that pop culture (and consumerism) is trying to make us believe is that grand gestures are the ultimate symbols of true love.
Think Kanye proposing to Kim in the stadium with the entire family and friend group watching, or a movie character singing a serenade to their lover in front of everyone and confessing their feelings publicly with a grand speech. All that is presented as the romance everyone should aspire to. However, the everyday love, the smaller and seemingly insignificant acts of kindness, and words of affirmation play a bigger role in someone’s relationship.
Would you rather have your partner deliver 300 roses to your workplace or them bring you homemade dinner when you’re sick at home, or take part of the mental load and help around the house on a weekly basis to show they care about you?
Of course, an occasional grand gesture is wonderful and makes you feel good, but daily expressions of love through minor things, as well as being emotionally available and open to communication create a much more solid background for your relationship.
The ‘Perfect Partner’ Illusion
Nobody is perfect, yet we are taught to believe that there is this one and only partner out there who will check all the boxers and do no wrong.
Of course, this is a toxic mindset. Toxic to all your potential dates, and toxic to yourself too, as you’ll be forced to look for someone who doesn’t exist.
The good part is that you don’t need perfection. Naturally, your lover should be aligned with you in terms of values, goals, lifestyle, and general vibe, but they can have their downsides. Just like you can have them too.
Sometimes people have flaws that they can work on, and sometimes they have flaws that are not that big of a deal. The most healthy and balanced romantic partnerships focus on the good parts and talk about and try to fix the things that are not that great.
How Social Media Has Transformed Modern Dating
Social media has a huge impact on our lives, and it naturally influences the way we date and perceive dating as well.
It’s now easier than ever to connect with someone from any part of the world, making it easier to meet new people and keep in touch, no matter where you’re based.
Then there is an issue of curated personas that each of us creates online. You can’t really blame anyone for doing this, as it’s only natural for humans to want to present their best selves, and hide any bad stuff. Still, this influences the first impressions we have and sets rather high expectations from the start.
Jealousy is a natural result of public display of success and a happy love life, so if someone was only slightly insecure 100 years ago, now they can feed into their insecurities daily by comparing themselves with millions of people on the planet.
This leads to frustration and dissatisfaction but also creates the pressure to be seen as “relationship goals” where your couple is a subject of admiration and inspiration for others, whether it is genuinely strong behind closed doors or not.
So while social media has done a lot of good, it is a powerful instrument that can do a lot of damage if you’re not careful or become too consumed with it to break free.
Breaking Free from the Pop Culture Love Trap
If you want to lead a happier love life and step away from the pop culture love trap, here is what you can do:
- Consume less social media. People post only the happiest moments of their lives, including romantic lives. Nobody is there sharing videos of them arguing on Instagram, so we end up believing that everyone’s dating experience is better than ours, and it is simply not true.
- When you do consume pop culture and social media, do so mindfully. Make mental notes of something being unrealistic, even if it looks so good on the screen that you want to believe it. Diversify your media intake to make sure different perspectives and experiences are shown to you.
- Identify what love means to you personally. It is a fun and eye-opening exercise where you can listen to yourself and think about the aspects that would make you happy in a relationship with someone. Is it someone complimenting you every day? Maybe you love small acts of kindness. Perhaps something totally different? The better you know yourself, the more successful romantic life you can lead.
- Practice self-love. Nobody can gaslight you into believing that something is true love when it isn’t if you have a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. And no, you don’t have to be perfect to love yourself.
And there you have it. These four main steps will help you find and nurture a meaningful connection with someone who is not burdened or limited by the media’s influence.